Rabu, 24 Desember 2014

Je voulais te dire que je t'attends

One day one movie is a program I made recently. I will watch a movie per day. There are several reasons; First of all, I really need to refresh my mind and soul since there are several pressure in my life, such as love (toujour), thesis, job, etc. In the thesis-writing workshop, Mas Eric, one of the IRs lecturer and the head of the study program said that when we are stuck already in writing or thinking, it will be better for us to watch the movie or go strolling. That is why, watching movie every day is the part of my thesis writing program and my effort to chase my dreams. The second reason is because my membership in the library of IFI-LIP will end soon. Btw, movies that I watch are and will be France movies and I watch them in the library of IFI-LIP by borrowing its collection. So far I rarely use my membership card either for borrowing books or watching the movies. I paid rather expensive for this membership, that is why if I don't use it maximally before the validity ends it will be such kind of lost for me. The last reason is that I really want to improve my listening skill in Frech. I think watching French movie will little bit help.

It is the fourth day if I am not mistaken. Wait, first movie was Bel Ami, second was Priceless, oh, no, it is just the third day. Sorry. Today I chose "Oublier Cheyenne". I chose that movie because from the synopsis, I found out that the movie told about the Physic teacher who tries to forget her love who goes away. I think it will be so good, but I found out that her love is actually a woman too. hahh.. I don't like lesbian-story movie because there is no handsome boy in the main story. What a boring movie. Then I stop to watch it at about in the minute 24 then changed to the other movie.

I chose "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not". The main actor was Audrey Tautou. This movie first of all tells about the girl, Angelique (Audrey Tautou) who is in love withe cardiology doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor is married already. His wife is a lawyer. Angelique told her closes friends about her affairs with this doctor. She sent many gifts for the doctor, starting from the beautiful flower until the painting of his face. Oh ya, I forget to tell that Angelique is a talented artist, he is a painter. He got a scholarship because of her talent. 

Angelique found out that the doctor's wife was pregnant and it will make the doctor difficult to leave his wife. However, several days later the wife lost her baby because of the accident. After that the wife felt so upset and seemed to know the affairs of her husband. She left the house. After all of the chaos, Angelique told her friends that she will have a vacation to the other city (sorry I forget the name) with the doctor. The doctor named Luic, btw. On the day of the departure, Luic never came. Angelique felt so sad, she waited in the airport until late at night. On the way home, she dropped her stuffs (her bag containing clothes for vacation) into the river from the bridge she passed. She was suffer after that. Her friend, a guy who loves her, a medical student, came to Luic office and angry because Luic mad Angelique suffer. However, he got no result. Luic said that it is all over.

On the suffer period, Angelique still asked her friend to send Luic a gift. She said it is for the last time and she will never think about him anymore. However, on tv she watched that Luic has a problem because he attached his patient. The patient is a powerful woman and said that she will make Luic lost his career. Knowing this, Angelique searched the woman's address and killed her. Police thought that the person who kill the patient was Luic, then Luic was arrested. Angelique found out that Luic's wife supported him so much. She saw that they love each other, then Angelique do away with herself using the gass at her home. Luic was set free because his wife who is a lawyer can give a prove that Luic is innocent. Luic house is close to Angelique, that is why Luic can save Angelique's life when finally she was found in the suffer condition.

After Angelique's condition became ameliorate, Luic visited her room at the hospital. Angelique was so happy. Luic asked her whether her family already know about it, then Angelique said that she doesn't have family. She is alone in this world.

In the end of the movie, I found out that actually there is no affair between Angelique and Luic. It is just only Angelique's imagination. In her head, Luic loves her and planned to leave his wife for her. Her gifts makes Luic confused and his wife mad. I found out too that Angelique caused the accident that makes Luic's wife lost her baby. Her gifts became such kind of terror for Luic. Finally Luic knew that the person who do terror him so far is Angelique, her neighbour. He knew it from one of the letter that told that this person has nobody in this world but just only Luic. All of this started from one day when Luic knew that his wife was pregnant, he was so happy that he bought a big bouquete of flowers. He met Angelique in front of his gate when he got out from the car and Angelique on the way out. Because very happy, Luic took one rose flower from the bouqete and gave it to Angelique. Since then, Angelique was seduced by Luic's charm. Angelique started to imagine many things and did many irrational criminal things. In the end, she was arrested and punished that she has mental illness. She was in the hospital for certain period, then prisoned for 50 years. Luic has a happy family with his wife and children. In the end, a janitor of the hospital found out a very nice painting, a picture of Luic, made by capsules, tablets and pills in the Angelique's room. So far, she never took her madicine. The janitor cleaned it up and doctor thought that she was healthy already after the medical treatments. A VO (voice over) of Angelique, still-sick-Angelique said, my soul is sick that I imagine Luic loves me, but my mind and brain is healthy that always tell me it is not true but tell me to always wait for him." So sad,, she said that with the screen showed Angelique go out from the hospital heading to the prison. :(

The message I got from here is that people's charm can make somebody mad loving her/him. Without knowing it, sometimes may be our extra kindness can make people missinterpretate it. May be that is why I think that my "judes and sinis" behaviour is needed sometimes. It is useful to avoid people that we don't want or we don't love missinterpretate my kindness and over charming as the love sign. It will be verry2 complicated when the missinterpretating person is a person who has mental illness like Angelique. It makes troubles for people related to her but in the same time also sad when we look inside her feeling.



Rabu, 23 April 2014

Toko Batik: Nous Avons Le Choix

When having lunch in the faculty cafetaria, one of my friends told me about her problem related to her thesis. She told me that everyday she felt so sad, she prayed and read newspaper to get inspiration. Se told me that she was so desperated with that situation. Actually I felt desperate too after hearing her sharing. What made me desperated was that I did not do anything such as pray or read newspaper to get inspiration. Still about the same friend, before taking wudhu in library Mosque, she told me that she felt guilty to the country if she got a bad grade, yeah considering that our recent study is supported by the scholarship from the government. We are free from tuition fee and we can go shopping using monthly grant. Actually I did not really care about her anxiety since I do not have any bad grade.

Because of feeling bored, after having dinner, I decided to go strolling. As usual, I went to the area of Jeron Beteng. Actually I just need fresh air after all of the burden from college. By going around this area, I can get fresh mood without spending any money. However, today I was attracted by my favourite batik shop. I did not know, suddenly I just wanted to stop by as this shop located near the alun-alun utara. I just had limited money in my wallet and this shop doesn't serve payment using card. Then, after choosing two dress, I just could buy one of them since my money was not enough. When going to the exit door, it was closed since it was 9 P.M. haha.. I went home with IDR 5.000 left in my wallet. Then I followed the route of alun-alun utara, then went to alun2 selatan among the crowd of bike full of colourful lamps. Just walking around, then I went home.

Before entering the street of my boarding house, I saw an old man walked with his hand. He couldn't walk, he's difable. Not far from him, there were his dirty stuffs. I think that are his treasure. It was about 9.30 p.m, cold night. That old man struggled with his life. He did not even have any jacket or warm cloth, even may be clean cloth. I don't know whether he has a house or not. If he has, at least he still has to struggle to reach it by walking with his hand. Oh God, what is his job? If he is a tax payer. The money from his tax is the part of my scholarship that I use to shop every month.

Actually I wanted to write about having choices after one class in the 1st semester. My lecturer opened my eyes about why so many people keep going abroad to be migrant labour. It is because they have no choice. Thus, we have to thank God for every choices we have right now. I have many choices, I can study with sufficient condition, I have healthy parents and lil bro, I have perfect body organs, I have future that I can arrange and plan starting from now. Actually that class also opened my eyes when I felt sad in the final struggle in a bus in Jakarta last year. Opened my eyes that in the late at night when I took a bus for going home and taking a rest, a woman stood in that bus with thick make up for going to a club to work as a singer until the morning. She also has a child to feed. How I have many choices. J'ai le choix.

In the same batik shop, about two months ago, after looking my batik style on fb, my friend asked me to buy her several batik dress and sent it. I bought in that shop. It was a day after volcanic eruption. In front of that shop, I saw an old man with his bike containing products he sold passed the dusty street without any shoes or sandals. May be he also doesn't have any choices, even, may be he doesn't have any sandals. And may be he is a tax payer who contributes to pay my scholarship fund.


Considering that I still have many choices, I think I have to aware it. I have to study harder and be useful for environment around me. Not to feel unreasonable sad and blablabla, and struggling harder to reach my dreams.

Following my friend's effort, I'll read many materials to look for the inspiration for my thesis.

Btw, when I have dinner today, I got an information that the parent of this friend is sick in the hospital. Again and a again, I thanks to God that my parents are healthy. See I have many choices and luck. I read in the book that people tend to be so sad despite of everything God give to them. If I'm not mistaken, John Lenon created a phrase related to this: because the sky is blue, it makes me cry. People cry despite of the fact that the day is beautiful with the blue sky.  Then I decide to be happy with all choices I have in my life. Matur sembah nuwun Gusti.

Minggu, 20 April 2014

Catatan Dyah Part 2

I'm not Dyah anymore when writing this post. However, there's an organization named Ikatan Bagus Dyah which accommodates  the whole alumni, so I think I'll be dyah wakil 1 forever. *maksa. It seems like suddenly I'm not dyah anymore. I didn't attend the transition of the position due to attending final interview in one ministry in Jakarta. Yup, and suddenly I'm not dyah without attending the ceremony to give my position to my junior.

This idea came to my mind when this evening my lil bro said that it'll be so strange to be back to Magetan after college. So far my passion focuses on one thing. One and the only. One and the only career I want in my life. This idea then closes many possibilities around me. Then, I don't know why, after my short vacation in my home town this week end, my mind was opened in the other way.

Yesterday I went strolling around the town. Actually I always do the same when I went home town. However, yesterday strolling gave me a different sense. When passing every street I used to pass in high school and the previous, the memory came again. That period was so nice. Every tree in the edge of the town street give the peace nuance and story from youth. Then other things crossed my mind were many potential resources I learned and promoted when I was a tourism ambassador, either the tourism resources or economic resources. I think it will be fun if I can apply my study in global trade diplomacy to develop those resources. I was a dyah, may be I'll get the position in the regional government rather easily if there is a formation for my major.

However, that's only the way my mind got picnic. I still believe in "dum spiro spero", which means as long as we breath we hope. I still survive reaching the only career I want in my life. Besides, considering my scholarship recently, if I didn't get my dream, I would be a lecturer, and off course it'll not be in Magetan.

What I want to say here is that I used to ignore the beauty of my home town because my mind was covered by my high obsession. Every time I went home, I didn't see the nuance of  peace, culture, happiness the town serves for everybody there. I was totally focus on my terrible obsession, exhausting effort, and never ending list have to be reached. This town is not so bad. Really. If I didn't have prior dream career and if I din't have alternative to be a lecturer after college, I would directly dedicate my life for this beloved beautiful town located in the foot of Lawu Mountain.

It reminds me when I memorised sapta pesona when participating tourism ambassador selection 2 years ago. Aman, tertib, bersih, indah, sejuk, ramah tamah, kenangan. I get all of those aspects. After my vacation yesterday, I really feel fresh and ready to write thesis and ready to fight reaching my dreams. :D


Senin, 10 Maret 2014

Ullen Sentalu

Gusti Nurul perhaps what I remember most from my visitation to Ullen Sentalu several months ago. Ullen Sentalu is the museum located in the top of Kaliurang, Yogyakarta. This is a private museum, owned by the royal family (Yogyakarta and Surakarta). In this museum, we can get much information about Mataram history, both about general history, and private royal family history.

One thing I concluded firstly after entering the museum is the significant role of the guide. We will be guided by a guide from the beginning of the museum until the end of the route. I think, without this guide who explain every detail, this museum will be uninteresting, since it contains many paintings which illustrate unknown character (in public perspective).

In the first room, the guide explain the meaning of ullen sentalu. It was derived from the name of traditional lamp hung above the screen in the puppet shadow performance. It means that like that lamp, ullen sentalu museum will illuminate public about Java history and culture knowledge.

Move to the next room (our route has been decided and directed by the guide). It contains traditional music instrument and several dancer paintings. I don't remember all the explanation about the paintings in this room but three. They are painting of Mask dancer, Golek Menak dance, and Sekar Sari Tunggal Dance. Mask dancer, well, the guide told us that classic java dancer is also a good actor. They use mask to hide their original face and expression. It is also similar to the real life. We can't judge person from their appearance and their performance. Like a dancer who wear mask, people's character, heart and intention can't be understood that easy.

Next dance is Golek Menak Dance. It was created by Mataram Sultan (sorry I forget the name). The Sultan created this dance in 3 years. There are two dancers in this dance, one of them is in javanese costume and the other one in chinese costume. It illustrates princess from java fights princess from china. Just FYI, I am also a classic java dancer, yeah, although not really professional. Long time ago when I was a new be in dancing world, I wonder why there's almost always fight fragment in every java dance. Firstly, my naughty idea thought that the beautiful ladies fight each other in dance because they fight for the boy. Haha.. finally I found out from the book that the fight fragment in java dance exist because previously, classic java dance was only danced by man, by the mataram army. After fight at noon, they entertained themselves at night by training their martial art in the form of classic java dance. Actually, the fight fragment of the dance really contains martial art. I love dance using archery, long stick and keris. It looks so cool. Haha.. even in Bedhaya and Srimpi, the fight movement illustrates the real fight in the past. As the time goes by, classic java dance is also dance by the woman, but still contain fight fragment in the same meaning.

But, what I found in Golek Menak dance made me want to laugh out loud. The guide told us that those two princess fight each other to get the boy. Fight for boy. Ngggggg... that was in my mind when I was so unyu and totally uninformed about classic java dance, but it is really the reason. They fight for a prince. For boy. Ngggg.... ??? First of all, ok, maybe girls always loose their rationality when it is related to boy. Second, oh my... it's so... third, what did the prince do? Fourth, I think there is a sharp distinction between getting the person and getting the heart (Yekti, 2014). So, whether the prince will be with the winner after all is over? Is his heart for the winner of the fight???

Third dance is Sekar Sari Tunggal. I remember it well because, first it was my first dance when I firstly had dance training in nDalem Kasatriyan, Sultan Palace. Second, because it was danced by Gusti Nurul (I will explain in the following paragraph) in Queen Yuliana's wedding party in the Netherlands. Gusti Nurul dance in the Netherlands using the music instruments played in Kraton Mangkunegaran Solo, connected by radio broadcasting (if it was in this era, it would be using live streaming), because it was difficult to take those instrument to the netherland. The queen was so impressed by the performance of Gusti Nurul.

Next, actually I forget the exact route of the room in the museum. Perhaps it will be to the room where we were served a traditional beverage, Jamu. We can drink Jamu in this room. Next we moved to the Batik display room. There are various batik motive of solo and yogyakarta. there are also rooms contain the history of the mataram kingdom, the kings, the fight against collonial, and the separation of kraton solo and yogya. However, what attracted me more is the story of royal family members.

First royal family member attracts me is the queen. Haha.. but, so sorry, I forget the name and whether she comes from yogya or solo kingdom. I like her because she could manage the palace very well after her husband past away. She did not allowed her son who became the king after her husband have a queen, just selir. Thus, this queen had the power despite of the death of her husband. it is a good trick. Hahah. Despite of the trick, she managed the palace and the kingdom very well. She was very smart in diplomacy with other kingdom and states. She speaks many foreign languages. I think, a woman should be smart like her. Like Cleopatra who also speak many languages, but Cleopatra brought Egypt to the end of the history after fight against Rome. What funny from this queen is that she always bring all key of the palace. Everybody want to access important room in the palace, have to ask permission to her.

Next, she is Putri Tineke. Actually she has javanese name, but I forget. Royal family members have international name, because they studied in the netherlands or in the netherlands education institution. Their foreign friends were difficult to call their javanese name, that's why they have western second name to make their friend easy to call them. Putri Tineke is the little daughter of prince Bobby, again, this is western name, and I forget the javanese name. Prince bobby later will be a king, perhaps in solo kingdom, I forget. Putri Tineke loved a boy, but it was not permitted by her mom, the queen. If I am not mistaken, I think it was because the boy was not a royal family. However, Putri Tineke and this boy survived in their sacred love. In the suffer perriod, Putri Tineke got many letters from her relatives in  the netherland and in java to support her. Several of those letters are in the form of poem. Those letters are displayed in the room named Gusti Tineke Room in the museum. One of the letter's sender was Gusti Pembayun, she sent it from the netherlsnds. It was a nice poem. It makes me think that if I have a daughter in the future, I will give her name Sekar Pembayun. Hehe.. I think it's nice. :p After suffering for ages, finally putri tineke can marry her true love. She was helped by her brother, bobby, after he became a king. However, unfortunately, putri tineke past away so fast. Even, she past away before her mother who did not allow her to marry her love. Yeah, at least, she died after getting her true love. What can be concluded here is that, there will be always an exception in every laws and theories, including the theory of 'there are only two type of boy in the world'. Putri Tineke's boyfriend was so faithful with his love, even in difficult situation, even in the long long time unclearness. Many boys may be will date other girl he finds on the street or beautiful girl he finds in his job place. Ha2.

Gusti Nurul. Yeah, she is a princess from Solo Palace. She is a good dancer, beautiful, smart, and she can ride a horse. She established radio broadcasting, and one of the function was to broadcast live gamelan music from istana mangkunegaran solo to the netherland as the instrument of sekar sari tunggal dance, danced by gusti nurul. You know what, laddies and gentleman, Pesident Soekarno fall in love with gusti nurul. Really2 love. He wanted to marry her. Besides based on the guide's explanation, I also read this in one of the magazine. However, Gusti nurul did not accept this offer. Oh my... all I see in Soekarno is the qualified man. So far, I also look for qualified man. Why did gusti nurul rejected the offer to marry him? The answer is that gusti nurul disagree with polygamy concept. It is principe. Not only about marriage technically, but also about feeling. What you feel if your lovely boy in fact love other girls beside you? It will be so hurt. That is why, despite all of the quality and unaffordable interesting of Soekarno's physical appearrance, gusti nurul decided not to marry him, not to marry the president of this republic. Yeah, finally she found a good man, a national army, may be general and marry him. Yeah of course, he is not a president, and may be not as handsome as insinyur soekarno, also not insinyur, but I think gusti nurul find the peace of her heart and feeling. Being one in his man's heart, without worrying about other girls and be special as she was before. Until now, gusti nurul is still alive, beautiful and healthy. Now she lives in bandung. She also came in the first opening of ullen sentalu museum. There is a picture of her in her old age, still beautiful and happy.

yeah.. that is all I get from my visitation in Ullen Sentalu Museum. This museum can be a good alternative to spend holiday. The place is beautiful, in the top of mountain, fresh air, and give us new insight. The ticket is IDR 35000.


Kamis, 20 Februari 2014

Frankenstein & A Night at the Joglo House

Frankenstein is a movie telling about the creation of a human by human using science. Victor Frankenstein did a research to create a man from dead body. The time background is about 200 years ago. Because Victor Frankenstein affraid of the human he created, he destroyed and threw it into the river. Unfortunatelly, this creation was still alive. It was so strong because when making it to life, Frankenstein used extra high electricity. Frankenstein used electric eels as the power. I think this creation can't be destroyed.

Because this creation was so dissapointed to Frankenstein, it came to Frankenstein's house and killed his wife. Frankenstein was so angry then wanted to kill his creation. He chased it to the north, to the freezy place. This creation was immune to cold, but Frankenstein was not. He died in the freezy place. Then his creation burried him in his family cemetery. It thought its life was end after killing frankenstein, but actually not. It doesn't know what its life mean. Then this creation found journal book in Frankenstein's pocket. It tells about the detail how Frankenstein created it until he made it life. Step by step in scientific way.

This creation don't know what it life mean. He was created by human. He is not human, just creation. Then he was wanted by the king of demons. Demon want it because they want to make the same creation alike. They want to learn how to make it, so that they can make dead bodies alive, and filled by demons who were dead placed in the hell. Then they will have enough army to fight against human and angels to conquer the world. Demons tried to chase this creation everytime. In this situation, this creation was helped by angels. They protect him in the casteel of the angels. The queen of the angels gave it name "Adam".

Adam fight againts many demons then win. He run to the edge of the world. Still questioning what his life mean, alone. The journal of frankenstein was taken by the queen of the angel to avoid the same creation repeated. He can not get any information about himself. 200 years later he was found by the demons, then fight again, and win. He came back to the casteel. He came back to the civilization, then found out that human's environment has totally changed. So modern. Even, the king of demons pretends as if he was human then cooperated with human scientist to develop his research plan to create human from dead body.

In the big fight between angels, demons and adam, finally the journal contains the steps to create adam can be taken by demons. The king of demons asked beautiful human scientist he cooperate with to learn it. However, finally adam can stole it and succed to make the beautiful scientist in his side. He showed her that actually who cooperate with her is not human, but demon.

Adam read and read the journal of frankenstein (actually I was questioning how can he read despite of the fact that he never go to school, ha2), but he still did not understand the meaning of his life. To make it short, finally adam and angels fight against demon then win, then adam knows the meaning of his life, to fight against demons and protect human and angels. Keep the total war between them not to happen. And of course in love with beautiful scientist make his life become more meaningful.

Yeah, the meaning of life. Two weeks ago, my big family gathered at my grandma's joglo house because my grandma was sick. We were there until late at night. I have been closed with one of my aunts since I was child. Until now, I think she is the most relevant person I can talk to among the entire human being in my family. Ha2.
Because at that time the TV was turned on playing sinetron, finally we talked about sinetron star, Asmirandah, who just changed her religion after got married with Jonas Rivano. Then my aunt questioning why. She can not understand the way the beautiful star thinks. In this case, I think I know the situation so well. Yeah, that is woman. I refered to several friends and maybe refered to me, my self. Woman is so complicated when in love. They will be so suffer, stupid and lost their rationality. I concluded it from several friend's sharing with bleeding heart to me. And one my friend's friend (he2), she just completed her graduate degree in germany and offfered a good job there, but she prefer to go home to Indonesia for her beloved man. Yeah, it will be so difficult for woman in many things when it is related to love. Even my friend become so sad because of unpropper boy (in my oppinion). Then my smart friends become suffer too. Yeah, don't know. My aunt told me several cases related to the husband who force his wife to follow his religion in the bad ways. But I think in the case of Asmirandah, there's no force. I think it is just because Asmirandah loves Jonas. How can, what can we do when we're in love. We don't want to miss the boy we love. It will be so sick, so suffer. I told it to my aunt. Then my aunt, yeah, again and again she is relevant with almost all of her argument, told me, "Kamu tau gak sih tujuan kita hidup di dunia ini? Tujuan kita cuma satu, satu aja, satu." Iye2 satu opoo?? Then she continued, "tujuan hidup di dunia cuma satu, yaitu mencari ridho Allah. Lha kalau kamu gini gitu, kira2 Allah ridho apa enggak? Kalau kamu males2an, Allah ridho apa enggak? Kalau kamu cinta sama ini, misal harus pindah agama, Allah ridho apa enggak? Semua yg kita lakukan sebenarnya kan cuma satu, mencari ridho Allah." Trakkdess.. so far actually I also just have one goal in my life, one goal, one, just one, but it was not 'mencari ridho Allah'. Okey, starting from that time, the goal of my life become two: mencari ridho Allah and the previous goal I have before.

After that night at the joglo house, I think life become less complicated, yeah, whatever we do just refer to the goal 'mencari ridho Allah' then everything will be fine.

If Adam, Frankenstein's creation, met me, I think the story of the movie will not be so complicated. He will not confused about the meaning of his life, I will just tell him that the mean of this life is 'mencari ridho Allah'. :)

Minggu, 16 Februari 2014

Horror Makes Fascinating

"Horror makes fascinating" I found that expression in one book I read recently, but unfortunately, I forget in which book I read it since I was forced to read so many books for academic purpose. I guess it was in the book editted by Barash which contains several articles about peace studies written by several writers gathered in one book. That expression impressed me directly when I read it. It tells about the behaviour of ancient European countries in war. Leaders of European Countries in the past really liked to fight each other for many reasons, such as teritory, wealth, source, etc. They liked war despite of the fact that war is irrational. War causes many victims, many people died because of it, war also needs fund which actually can be allocated for other necesities such a health, education and economic of the people in the country. However, those Leaders still loved the irrational war although they can be killed in war. In war, they could show their power and it was a pride for them. If they won in war, the could get wealth from their enemy, sometimes they fight to conquer the teritory of their enemy, when they won, they got teritory. Yesterday, I watched Troy movie again as it was played on tv and because I got insomnia. I think Troy can be a good ilustration about the behaviour the Leaders who like to fight each other. Troy and Greek fight for wealth, teritory, even for love, ziiinggg.. ??? They ignored all of the irrationality of war that can stole their life to reach certain goals. All they should do was be well-prepared and struggle as possible as they can to face irrational war so that they win and reach their goals.

Off course I disagree with the existence of war, but actually I love the expression 'horror makes fascinating'. I love the spirit of taking the risk to reach the goal. Preparing themselves despite of the horror. Horror becomes fascinating with good preparation, hard struggle and great passion to reach the goals.

Sometimes I applied that expression in several cases I think. For many things. For irrational what-so-called impossible goal. Judged as naive girl for struggling to reach what-so-called the only career I want in my life. For many things.

Senin, 20 Januari 2014

Tu Me Manquest

In French you don't say "I miss you". You say "tu me manques" which means you are missing from me.

One day I found a message from my friend on my fb. That message was so simple, 'how are you?' It's literally written 'how are you?' Just that. I don't know what her mean. I replied, then she replied again with the question, 'kok lama gak ada kabar'. Yup, I'm well known as the person who is very active writing fb status. I write many activities and what I see, what I feel on fb. But at that time, I was so bussy with my strugle to reach dream, job in office and my assignment in college in the same time. I stopped writing status and stop connecting to people. I don't know, may be my friend miss me. Actually sometimes I miss closed people too in my hard situation, but sometimes and almost always, I remember about 'tu me monquest'. Sometimes I'm affraid of that someone is missing from me. I do miss my friend too, I wanted to share every struggle I've done, but I was totally aware that my friends has their own life. I'm worry about that they are so bussy, and I am worry about whether I am bother them. It's like the expression of someone missing from us because of their own life.

Sometimes we miss someone so damn. It makes us suffer. However, what can we do when someone missing from us because of their own life and bussiness?

One evening I checked my silenced cellphone, then found that there were 2 misscalls from my dad. I ignored it because I was so hectic. Then I texted him couples hours later after I arrived at my boarding house. I asked him what happened. Then he replied that there was nothing, just my mom missed  me and want to have some conversation. I don't know. My tears melted while watching evening Spongebob on TV. :D In several cases, I am missing from my parents.

sometimes I am suffer when there's no information about someone we miss. One day I talked to my friend, Randi, in front of Plaza Semanggi while waited for other friend, Rizka. I told him that actually I also invited other friend, Bayu to meet up, but there's no reply from him. I told Randi that usually Bayu will reply a week later after I texted him. May be he's bussy. Then Randi was so surprised and told me that he also forget he hadn't replied text from his friend since yesterday. Then he replied it before he forget again. Haha..

someone sometimes missing from us not in purpose.

Yesterday my cellphone was error after being borrowed by my friend to text my lecturer. It can not be used to write text again. Then I turned it off, hopefully it will be normal again when it is turned on. Then I found out that it was not normal again. I turned it off again, took off the batery, took on, turned on again, then it was not normal again. Then I tuned it off, in plan, for forever. But I finally turned it on before I went bed. It was normal. Yeyy.. I received text from my childhood bestfriend, Rini. I consider her as my old sister. Maybe because I was so naughty when I was child, I never call older friend with article mbak. Haha..

Rini asked me whether I ever go home or not. It has been age we didn't see each other. Because the answer will be complicated, I postponed to reply it then went to bed. I just remember right now, in the next day that I haven't replied that text. May be she think that I change so much. May be I am missing ftom her. I never text either call her. I never visit her when I was at home. Despite of that situation, Mbak Rini informed me directly about the born of her baby with personal and emotional text. Special and personal information, with intimate words, we're sister, right. Then, again and again, because I wanted to reply with nice words, I postponed to reply it. I plan to think in full of concentration situaton about those nice words. Then I forgot to reply her until several days. Unforgiven.

I also forget to reply text from young lecturer I just met, she need me for information about association of international economy politic my ex office initiated. I also forget to reply text from my ex teater friend. I am missing from them. My teater friend may be miss me. He text me with unimportant text. Or may be it was a preface text before he text me to get loan. Haha..

sometimes I am missing from everybody because of my own interest. Sometimes I miss someone, being suffer because of it although I know that he has their own important business. I just want to get simple hello. May be that simple hallo is what my parents want, what my childhood friend want, what my bestfriend want. May be sometimes somebody don't want it at all because it seems so annoying among their important business.

Last week I shop in Vikita for gloves. I saw a nice baby shoes. I directly remember mbak rini and her baby. I bought a pair of baby shoes then got weird look from shopkerper because of it. May be sometimes I am missing from everybody, but I never forget. Never.

Try not to be missing from beloved people. :)