Message from Land Lady

I remember when in undergraduate, my friend told me, "Everyone has their own problem". Indeed. Do you think that your problem is the most difficult one? Several days ago I went to the one of the government offices in southern part of the city. After that, I went back to the campus passed the traffic light near XXI. While waiting the traffic light turned green, I saw a pedicab driver waited the light, held the steer of his pedicab that contained two passangers. The pedicab driver looked so tired, his breath was so heavy. It was shown from his back and shoulders. They moved heavily. It was in the middle of the noon, very hot, and it was fasting day. Whose poblem is more difficult? Yours?

This week, I went to immigration office in early morning. I passed traditional market. Among vegetable and food vendors who were very bussy serving the customers, there was a ballon seller, held many ballons in front of the gate of the market. He waited kids to be interested, but the kids prefered beautiful fish sold by other seller next to ballon seller. Nobody was interested to the ballon. It was closed to the Idul Fitri day. Everybody need money for preparation of the great day. How is his family? How he can fulfill the food and cloths for them? What's your problem? Whose problem is more difficult?

However, how hard the problem is, we are not supposed to worry. My ex land lady ever told, "Don't you worry about your problem. Do you think that the seller usually goes around the complex and seems nobody buys his food can not survive? He survives. He can life until now. He can fulfil the necesity of his family. Dont know how, but he can. God may guarantee it. God may guarantee rizky of the creature. Worm underneath the ground also always can fulfill its necesities. Dont you ever worry."

Btw, this land lady already passed away, but her message always stay in my mind. Actually there are other messages. Perhaps I will write in the other post.

The food seller seems nobody buys his good, looks so pity, old, bad cloths, and just uses little gloomy lamp with oil energy everyday goes around the complex of my ex boarding house. He looks pity, but actually he may be guaranteed by God about his rizki. So are the pedicab driver and ballons seller I saw several days ago. So are you. Me. We are the ceature of God. God may guarantee all we need like the guarantee God may give to small animals, to the pedicab driver, and ballons seller. Do not need to worry. For me, my self, I just do ikhlas, pray, and patient. From a book I read, if our mind is crowded and our feeling is disorder, we will be in the bad frequency. Consequently, our pray and wish will be so difficult to be broadcasted to the universe and sent to God. Just be ikhlas and calm. One thing I keep in my mind: I may have the guarantee from God. Don't worry be happy.

Yekti
July 15, 2015

Lesson Learned from Rumah Kaca

Aku sudah berjanji setelah revisi tesis dan semua persyaratan wisuda yang banyak banget itu selesai, aku akan menulis tentang ini. Rumah Kaca adalah novel terakhir dari tetralogi Pulau Buru tulisan Pramoedya Ananta Toer. Novel ini aku baca pada sela-sela menyelesaikan revisi tesis sebagai pelarian saat sudah terlalu jenuh. Awal-awal baca agak bingung karena aku belum selesai baca novel yang ketiga, "Jejak Langkah". Novel itu kubawa ke mana-mana dan akhirnya ketinggalan di mobil teman, sampai sekarang belum sempat ambil. Aku memutuskan membaca novel keempat terlebih dahulu untuk refresh di tengah menyelesaikan tugas.

Berbeda dengan novel 1-3 yang diceritakan dari sudut pandang Raden Mas Minke (yang dalam kisah nyata diperkirakan merupakan R.M Tirto Adi Soerjo, pelopor pers dan pergerakan pada masa cikal bakal Indonesia), pada novel ke empat, cerita berdasarkan sudut pandang seorang komisaris polisi berprestasi bernama Jaques Pangemanann (dengan dua 'n'). Dia merupakan pribumi Manado yang diangkat anak oleh keluarga apoteker dari Perancis, pindah ke Perancis bersama orangtua angkatnya, mendapat pendidikan di sana (Sorbonne) dan mendapat istri orang Perancis yang cantik dan taat beragama. Tuan Pangemanann kemudian  berkarir di Hindia Belanda sebagai polisi Gubermen. Sangat jarang orang pribumi semacam dia mendapatkan kedudukan tinggi. Jabatannya sebagai komisaris polisi dia dapatkan setelah berhasil memberantas Pitung dan gerombolannya yang meresahkan para pemilik perkebunan yg kebanyakan totok Belanda. Gerombolan Pitung sering berbuat kerusuhan dan perampokan. Setelah dengan berbagai upaya yang sistematis, akhirnya dengan pimpinan Pangemanann dengan dua n, gerombolan pitung berhasil dilumpuhkan.

Namun demikian, setelah berhasil menumpas Pitung, Pangemanann baru mendapatkan fakta bahwa sebenarnya keonaran yang dibuat oleh Pitung dan gerombolannya adalah bentuk perlawanan pribumi terhadap kesewenang-wenangan Belanda. Para pemilik perkebunan seringkali merampas tanah pribumi. Mereka juga sering mengambil wanita pribumi untuk memuaskan nafsu, sehingga tidak jarang perempuan pribumi memiliki anak keturunan Belanda. Mengetahui hal itu, Pangemanann sering dihantui rasa bersalah. Dia sering melihat bayangan Pitung yang telah ditumpasnya di manapun dia berada. Belum terlepas dari gangguan pikiran mengenai hal ini, dia dihadapkan pada hal sulit lainnya. Pangemanann ditugaskan oleh Gubermen untuk menumpas Pitung modern yaitu Raden Mas Minke. Pitung modern ini berjuang melawan kesewenang-wenangan dengan pers yang didirikannya yaitu Medan, yang berpusat di Bandung. Selain itu dia juga membentuk organisasi yang bernama Syarikat Priyayi. Pada dasarnya Pangemanann mengagumi sosok Minke yang umurnya jauh di bawahnya namun telah berbuat banyak untuk bangsanya. Tugas menumpas Pitung modern ini bertentangan dengan hati nuraninya. Namun demikian, dia mempertimbangkan kelangsungan kebahagiaan keluaganya. Dia memiliki dua anak yang kuliah di Perancis dan dua anak lagi masih sekolah di Hindia Belanda. Untuk mempertahankan kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaan keluarganya, dia terpaksa melakukan tugas ini.

Singkat cerita, dengan upaya sistematis dan dengan bantuan agen-agen yang dipersiapkan oleh Gubermen, dia berhasil melumpuhkan Minke. Aku lupa sih pastinya gimana, mungkin korannya dituduh memuat hal yg tidak berkenan bagi Gubermen, akhirnya Minke ditangkap, korannya ditutup dan dia dibuang ke Maluku. Istri Minke, Prinses Kasiruta yang senantiasa membelanya kini tidak dapat berbuat apa2. Dia terusir dari rumah mewahnya di Buitenzorg dan setelah itu tidak jelas nasibnya dlm cerita ini.

Pasca menumpas Minke, Pangemanann diberhentikan sebagai polisi dan menjabat kedudukan sebagai staff ahli di Algemenee Secretarie di Buitenzorg. Jabatan yang jauh lebih tinggi. Dia juga mendapat fasilitas rumah mewah yang ternyata adalah bekas rumah rm.Minke. Pada dasarnya hal ini bertentangan dengan hati nuraninya, tapi ya bagaimana lagi, dia ingin membahagiakan keluarganya terutama istrinya orang Perancis yang rela ikut dengannya ke Hindia Belanda.

Pada jabatan ini, Pangemanann mendapat banyak lagi tugas yang bertentangan dengan hati nuraninya. Segala macam orang, tindakan, dan pergerakan yang dianggap mengancam Gubermen harus dilenyapkan. Hal itu adalah tugas Pangemanann yang baru. Demi menjalankannya, dia selalu mengawasi segala pergerakan di Hindia Belanda. Selain itu, dia juga mempelajari kondisi terkait di kantor pusat arsip. Tindakan yang dia berantas di antaranya adalah pergerakan Siti Soendari yang mengobarkan semangat perlawanan pada bangsanya. Selain itu juga pergerakan Marco yg sebelumnya adalah pengikut rm.Minke. dia juga mengawasi organisasi Budi Moelyo dan sisa2 Syarikat Priyayi. Cara kerjanya adalah mengumpulkan data dari berbagai sumber dan intelejen yang disebar. Dari data itu, dia menuliskan formula atau langkah2 untuk menindak para pengancam Gubermen. Hanya dengan tanda tangan Pangemanann, formula yg ditulis itu dijalankan oleh agen2 tak kasat mata yang berdampak pada kehancuran target operasi.

Satu hal yang kugaris bawahi, kasus yang ditangani Pangemanann salah satunya adalah ancaman persatuan kelompok Tionghoa dan Pribumi. Bila mereka bersatu padu, kemungkinan mereka akan mengancam pemerintahan Gubermen. Akhirnya bermodal data yang akurat, Pangemanann menuliskan cara untuk menindak kelompok tsb. Dengan satu tanda tangan, agen2 tak kasat mata bergerak menjalankannya, menebarkan isu dan fitnah, memecah belah kedua golongan. Entah bagaimana caranya, akhirnya kelompok pribumi dan Tionghoa saling bermusuhan. Sering terjadi pengerusakan aset2 Tionghoa oleh pribumi. Keadaan semakin memanas antara mereka.

Begitulah, baik Minke, Siti Soendari, Marco, Syarikat Priyayi, Budi Moelyo, Tionghoa dan Pribumi yg dianggap mengancam telah ditempatkan di rumah kaca milik Pangemanann. Dari rumah kaca tersebut, dia dapat mengawasi gerak gerik mengancam Gubermen dan dengan data2 yang diperoleh dari intelejen, dia dapat menindak tokoh2 dalam rumah kacanya dengan satu tanda tangan di bawah rumusan cara melumpuhkan mereka.

Apa yang dipelajari dari sini? Sepertinya kondisi itu mirip dengan lingkunganku akhir2 ini. Entahlah, apa hanya aku yang merasakannya? Tiap kelompok saling hina, saling menyudutkan, terutama berhubungan dengan agama. Satu kelompok menghujat kelompok yang dianggap garis keras. Garis keras ini menyebarkan info2 yang berpotensi memicu konflik dengan agama lain. Nah, mungkin gak sih kalau info2 provokatif itu bukan disebarkan oleh si dianggap garis keras? Mungkin saja info itu ditulis oleh seorang Pangemanann modern yang menempatkan kita Bangsa Indonesia di dalam rumah kacanya. Dengan data intelejen, dia merumuskan cara untuk menindak kita yang bersatu padu dan mengancam kepentingan bos Pangemanann modern. Hanya dengan satu tanda tangan, agen2 tak kasat mata menjalankan formula itu dan membuat kita terpecah belah hancur berkeping2.

Apakah orang2 dalam rumah kaca tidak bisa melawan? Mungkin saja bisa, dengan cara berpikir lebih dalam terhadap semua informasi yang masuk. Jangan mudah percaya dan tolong merujuk pengetahuan dan logika. Akan lebih indah bila kita bersatu padu. Indonesia ini kaya raya cetar membahana loh, banyak kepentingan berbagai kaum untuk menguasainya sejak jaman Hindia Belanda sampai sekarang. Kalau rakyatnya terpecah belah, mungkin akan lebih mudah bagi mereka menghancurkan kita.

Lesson learned selanjutnya adalah ikutilah hati nurani. Pangemanann selalu diliputi rasa bersalah meskipun tindakannya selalu berhasil. Pelariannya adalah alkohol. Istrinya yang ingin dia bahagiakan akhirnya tidak sanggup menghadapi Pangemanann. Dia memutuskan kembali ke perancis bersama anak2nya. Hidup pangemanann semakin tidak beraturan. Dia sering mendatangi pelacur terkenal bernama Rientje de Roo. Suatu hari Rientje ini mati dibunuh. Polisi rendahan menemukan buku harian Rientje yang menyebutkan Pangemanann adalah salah satu langganan setianya. Polisi rendahan ini akhirnya memeras Pangemanann dengan mengancam bila tidak membayar jumlah uang yang banyak, dia akan menyebarkan buku itu dengan konsekuensi nama Pangemanann sebagai pejabat tinggi akan hancur. Pangemanann sampai harus meminjam uang di bank untuk membayar perasan polisi ini. Dia bangkrut.

Lebih menyedihkan lagi, setelah pergantian gubernur jenderal Hindia Belanda, kebijakan pun berganti. Sikap gubernur jenderal yang baru terhadap pergerakan dan organisasi sangat berbeda. Bahkan dia memberikan tempat bagi organisasi pribumi di parlemen. Walhasil, Pangemanann pun tersingkir. Dia bangkrut, sakit2an karena kecanduan alkohol, istrinya pergi dan anak2nya putus kuliah di Perancis. Dia juga semacam tidak dibutuhkan lagi di Algemenee Secretarie. Itu yang didapatkannya setelah melawan kata hatinya dan ajaran agamanya untuk menindak dan melenyapkan orang2 tidak bersalah. Sudah mengorbankan segalanya, tapi dia dilupakan oleh Gubermen. Pada akhirnya dia meninggal dan menyuruh pembantunya menyerahkan tulisan Rumah Kaca yg berisi rekam jejak tindakannya pada target2nya kepada Nyai Ontosoroh, mantan ibu mertua Minke. Btw, rm.Minke sudah mati diracun sekembalinya dari pembuangan. Mungkin ini merupakan tindakan Pangemanann juga.

Lesson learned yang ketiga adalah sebaiknya kita menulis. Dulu aku mendapatkan pesan, menulislah bagi yang tidak ingin dilupakan sejarah. Dengan menulis, rm.Minke bisa menyuarakan ketidakadilan. Novel Bumi Manusia, Anak Semua Bangsa dan Jejak Langkah diceritakan merupakan buku harian Minke dan Rumah Kaca adalah buku harian Pangemanann. Bahkan Rientje de Roo, yang seorang pelacur juga menulis jurnal harian. Terakhir, Pramoedya Ananta Toer sebagai penulis novel2 itu juga tetap terkenang meskipun dia sudah tiada. Namun demikian, bila menulis harap didasarkan dengan logika dan referensi serta bertanggung jawab. Dari Republika aku baca bahwa Pramoedya melakukan  riset mendalam untuk menulis novel2nya. Minke itu sendiri pun bukan sepenuhnya fiksi tapi didasarkan perjalanan hidup RM.Tirto Adi Soerjo tokoh pers pada masa Hindia Belanda. Intinya jangan menulis hal2 yg tidak didasarkan fakta dan memicu konflik. Mending menulis fiksi atau curhatan seperti Rientje de Roo saja.

Yekti
12 Juli 2015

Deal with the Long Night

I think I have already had insomnia since I was a child. When I was a very little girl, I watched Quis Siapa dia and Berpacu Dalam Melody broadcasted at considerably late night for infant. After all tv programs were over, I usually cried. I do not know why, may be I felt sad because of loosing companion.

In elementary school period, I often stayed awake alone when I spent a night at my grandma's house. I slept with my cousins (who became my friends too in the same time). We talked before fell asleep, and finally I was the one left awake when they slept after long talk. My grandma usually checked us and on the next day told everybody that I did not sleep until late night alone.

In junior high school, I stayed awake in purpose. I liked to watch drama serries aired at late night so that I could tell my friends at school the plot of the drama. It was the same when I was in senior high, I  did not sleep early in purpose. It was for several reason such as watching night tv program, doing assigntments, studying for exam, reading teenlit and komik, or talking with my friends in boarding house.

In university life, I aware that going to bed late is not good for health. My friend told me that it affects liver condition. Some reference said that it will affect the psychological condition that lead to be easy angry and stress because of lack of enough sleep. Furthermore, a reference said that sleeping in the morning or afternoon can not replace the function of sleeping at night. We can not pay the debt of not sleeping at night by sleeping in the other time. It can not replace the rest fuction of sleep in one day.

I tried to sleep in enough time at night. I believe that going to sleep early and waking up early is good. However it is so difficult for me who has insomnia problem since I was a kid. The difficulty is increasing together with the increase of stress level. For example in recent time, I do not really know what exactly makes me worry, but sometimes I feel insecure. I already finished all thesis atribute and graduation requirements. The application for something worth struggle was also completed. However, I think I have something disturbs my brain that makes my insomnia emerges. Almost everyday in Ramadhan month I did not sleep until Sahur time and finally I continued not to sleep until Subuh. It is Ok since I could sleep after that although I know that it will not replace the function of sleeping at night. It becomes problem when I have to go to campus for humanitarian summer school along this week. The agenda will be from the morning until evening. What if I barely can sleep at night.  There is a possibility that I will not sleep for a week. 

I posted about this problem on my line status. One of my friend commented, 'do you really forget the way to sleep?' From that comment, I think I have to remember how to get some sleep. I tried to turn off the lamp, it still did not work. I tried to listen to the music too, the result, I listened several songs twice aired in Prambors until almost sahur time, I fall asleep for a moment and had to get up for meal. Zzz.. I tried to remember the other way to sleep. Turn on cable tv will not help, since I tend to be interested in watching movie until the end instead of sleeping. My struggle lead to the trying of reading a book. I can stay a long night in order to finish reading a good novel or fiction book. Therefore, the book has to be harder than that. I chose Thomas Oatley book, International Political Economy, on the first try. The result, after several pages on the chosen chapter, I felt sleepy for the first time during lately insomnia attack. I slept before midnight and felt fresh when I got up for sahur. I thanks to God for this. Tonight I continued my insomnia therapy using this metodh. I waked up for sahur facing the book opened beside of me in my bed, means that I got enough sleep last night.

Based on my experience, I recommend this way to do when someone has to deal with the insomnia. Try to read quite hard book. My suggestion is that the books should be relevant with your life, background study, or future goal. Based on the reference I read, sleeping after studying will help memorizing what we just learn. By doing this, we do not only heal the insomnia, but we also can digest the information needed from the relevant book very well.

Yekti, July 8, 2015.

seragam merah putih yang ceria

Next Monday I will join elementary school students in fag ceremony at their school (Upacara Bendera). I applied for Kelas Inspirasi Program in my hometown, Magetan, East Java. The program activity is teaching elementary school students for one day. The aim of this program is giving elementary school students inspiration to reach the profession they want in the future by presenting many professionals from various fields into their class. The teachers are the volunteers who are the professionals at their job field. Actually I am not fulfill the requirement since I do not have profession yet. However, because I wrote my application in such persuasive way (I do not really know why I am accepted), I can join this program.

Joining Flag Ceremony will be exciting since it can call back the memory of school age. I do not know yet in which school I will teach that day. As my hometown has mountains and many beautiful villages, there is a possibility for me to pass the road in the mountain or go through beautiful villages to reach the school where I am going to teach. Just FYI, all roads in Magetan are in good condition already (aspalt), even in villages and mountain. Do not need to worry about it.

Having experience filling on-line application directly on the web table and I lost all document I already wrote because of the bad internet connection, I copied all what I wrote on the web application form on the ms.word before I clicked 'submit' button. Today, I accidentally opened that file when I wrote my paper conference for the event of Bandung Conference and Beyond. I do not know why, but I just want to share 2 parts of application form components. Here they are:

The question is: why do you want to be the volunteer in this program?

Saya tinggal di daerah pedesaan di Kabupaten Magetan. Tepat di depan rumah saya terdapat sebuah sekolah dasar yang dapat saya amati hingga kini melalui kaca jendela besar di ruang tamu. Saya melihat banyak putra-putri daerah Magetan memiliki potensi, kecerdasan, dan bakat luar biasa namun terkadang tidak memiliki keberuntungan kesempatan seperti yg saya miliki. Beberapa teman saya dan mungkin banyak lagi anak-anak Magetan saat ini hanya menyelesaikan pendidikan sampai SMA. Banyak di antaranya bekerja di sektor non formal. 

Seperti Bill Clinton kecil yang terinspirasi sejak kunjungan mahasiswa ke sekolahnya hingga dia bercita-cita tinggi dan meraihnya, saya ingin menginspirasi anak-anak daerah saya untuk memiliki mimpi besar dan menumbuhkan keyakinan bahwa mimpi tersebut dapat tercapai. Dengan keyakinan dan upaya kuat, pasti ada jalan bagi mereka untuk meraih impian mereka dan tidak menyia-nyiakan potensi yang mereka miliki, entah untuk membangun Magetan menjadi lebih baik maupun mengejar mimpi di luar sana.

Question: please share your unique experience when you studied at high school grade 

Saya bertemu dengan sahabat terbaik saya pada saat SMA. Dia adalah orang dengan impian besar. Ketika ditanya ingin kuliah di mana oleh teman-teman sekolah, dia mengatakan ingin kuliah di Oxford, sampai-sampai seorang teman berkata, "Maksudku universitas yang nyata, di Indonesia". Namun demikian, dia membuatku berfikir bahwa Oxford pun bisa menjadi nyata. Kami berteman baik sampai kelas 3 SMA. Belajar bersama sampai dini hari (karena kami tinggal di kost) dan hang out bersama. Sampai sekarang kami masih berteman baik meskipun tinggal di kota yang berbeda. Seperti impian besarnya, dia pernah mendapatkan program exchange ke Jerman dan Polandia, tetapi belum ke Oxford. Karena ucapannya semasa kami di SMA, saya berencana untuk melanjutkan S-3 saya di Oxford dan saya yakin akan mendapatkannya.

Thanks for New Year Eve, 2015

All of my aunts has a handsome husband. Since my mother and my father are the oldest children in their family, I have several aunts from both family. Like what I have said, all of them has a handsome husband. That is why when one of my aunts asked me what is my criteria for my future husband, I answered that he has to be handsome too like my uncles (husbands of my aunts) --> inspired by aunts. haha. Handsome in this case is not always physically like model or cover boy in the magazine. In my perspective, handsome can be the effect of charisma, behavior or intelligence. Sometimes, boys with very handsome face look uninteresting at all if they have bad attitude. In the other hand, boys with ordinary physical appearance will look interesting because they are smart, kind and charismatic. Those criteria are owned by my uncles. They probably kind, smart, religious, or charismatic.

All those couple (my aunts and their husband) has their own unique love story. My favorite aunt, little sister of my mother had her first date with her husband in junior high school. Before marriage, they had relationship for about 11 or 12 years. She is so beautiful that several boys in her junior high tried to chase her, but she just only chose my uncle. Even, she is so overconfidence in one case. There is a neighbor who passed away in Batam Island because of sickness. A man. I do not know about him. He had been in Batam since long time ago. That day I visited my aunt's house when she just came back from that man's house for ta'jiah. She told me that the man who just passed away was her friend in junior high. He also one of boys who chase her that time. Unfortunately she chose my uncle. That man was broken heart. My aunt questioned why that man did not marry after he was successful and wealthy in Batam. Confidently my aunt said, "He still love me, even he still love me until the end of his life. Cintanya padaku sampai dibawa mati." Whattt??? totally over confident. ZZzzz... 

Let's move to the main story: the other couple. My aunt, little sister of my father and her husband. Her husband named Pujo Bandono. He is very handsome both physically and behaviorally. He is smart too. Even, I often write about him in my motivation letter of scholarship as one of my families/relatives who work in education field like my parents that inspires me (a little bit) to probably work in the same field--education. He is a teacher in one of senior favorite state high schools in Madiun.

My first meeting with him was in an afternoon several month before the marriage of them. Unlike my aunt who has been in relationship with my uncle since in junior high, this aunt just had a short time relationship with my uncle before marriage. Friend of them introduced them each other. That afternoon I was in my grandma's house. Watching afternoon TV series with my cousin. He came to meet my aunt in living room. In tv room, my cousin and I peeped them through the space of cupboard just to know the face of this man. We found out that this man is very handsome. Black straight hair, white skin, tidy in his office outfit. He just went home from office. At that time he was just honorer teacher in private school. My first impression about him is that he is very handsome, kind person and polite. After TV series, my cousin and I seemed like never stop talking about that man in water gate of the river, favorite place to play in the afternoon, near grandma's house. That man is so handsome, kind, and polite. His name Pujo Bandono.

My next meeting with him was in my house. He and his friend who introduced him to my aunt discussed further serious relationship and marriage with my parents as my aunt's oldest brother and sister. Same with the first meeting, I just listened their conversation from tv room while watching TVRI broadcasting Mbak Wuri (daughter of my elementary school teacher) performed traditional dance in central park of the town. I still remember what tv show I watched that time.

Several moths later, he married my aunt. I became putri patah (little girls who sit beside bride and groom bringing kipas, sorry I don't know the term in English) in their wedding. In just married situation, they came to the wedding of my aunt who I told has long time relationship since they were in junior high. Those two aunts are in the same age that they married in almost same time. I also became putri patah in this wedding. After party, my aunt for the first time asked me to call her husband to go home. She said, "call Om Pujo, we will go home." At that time I know for the first time how to call him: Om Pujo.

After marriage, Om Pujo passed the test of civil servant recruitment. I read from the Holly Qur'an but forget what ayyat about rizki after marriage. The essence of the ayyat if I am not mistaken, do not worry about rizki when you want to marry. Allah may guarantee rizki for you. That is I proved, he got a good position in good state high school after patiently became honorer teacher in private ordinary school.

They have 3 children. One girl, named Dea and two boys (twin), named Fauzi and Fauzan. Dea is my favorite cousin since she is so loyal to me, always do whatever I told her. haha. 2nd grade of junior high school. She voluntary accompanied me to the tourism destination when I asked. She is obsessed to buy or take Edelweiss Flower in Lawu Mountain when I took her to Sarangan Lake and Strawberry Garden. I told them I wanted to buy beautiful plastic flower sold by one shop around Sarangan Lake, she told me, "Ih, aku gak seneng mbak sama bunga plastik. Aku sek pengen bunga edelweiss, bunga abadi. Kamu mbak senengnya yang palsu-palsu, bukan yang abadi." Zingg... Okay, then I stop to like fake one, for example boy with fake feeling and fake intention.

I like their family since they are idealist one unlike my other families who are realist. They love art and culture too. Even, this aunt bought me good-quality "sampur" (long fabric with accessories in both of its end used for dancing in java dance) from other city without I asked. Om Pujo also has several costume like various mask and traditional cloth. This family also since first time supported me when I participated in the contest of tourism ambassador in my hometown. Firstly, I did not told my mom that I participated since she will think that those kinds of contest are something useless. My aunt and my uncle supported me so much, starting from lent me motorcycle to go to one-week training after chosen as top-10 contestant because all motorcycle at my home used by my parents, I couldn't drive car yet; tried to borrow kebaya (traditional dress of Java) from neighbor; lent me best-quality jarik (traditional fabric with batik motive) for session of art and culture performance; and finally attended grand final of that contest until midnight. Little disappointed because I just get 2nd winner.

They also like to do something fun. Not too serious like the other adult people. Lately, they had plan with me to go hiking in Lawu Mountain and go to Pacitan to visit beaches and caves. However, those plans are not executed yet since it is still not proper yet to go hiking because of the rainy season and going to Pacitan in new year will make us desperate because of heavy traffic. What I want to emphasize is that this family is the proper one to talk about extraordinary ideas like applying a position in united nation or buying an island in pacific ocean may be. Ideas that may be my parents will laugh out loud and tell me to get up. I really did the first one, applying united nation, took test, and still waiting for the result and probably will do the second one someday, buying an island in pacific. :D

In new year 2015, I spent change of the year in grandma's home. So quiet. It is surrounded by rivers. Various plants grow there. Many pot with beautiful flowers. At night, we can hear the sound of the water in the river. Fresh air. Family with member whom I can talk about extraordinary ideas. Several of my friend in Yogyakarta sent me message, asking to spend new year eve together. For me, like tabaruj, new year party is something I'm bored already. Every year I joined new year party. This year I enjoyed new year in grand ma's house with little cousins, grandma, parents, aunt, and uncle. They made cuisine Rica-rica at that time. Me with my loyal cousins who voluntary do whatever I told (haha) had conversation in front of tv. Fauzi and Fauzan had new bikes. I asked Dea to teach me Arabic language since she studied in Islamic junior high school and learn this language. With my aunt and uncle, we talked about plan to go to Pacitan for picnic. That was peace new year so far without party.

We still have unpaid plan to go to the top of Lawu Mountain and Pacitan. One I haven't told in this writing is that Om Pujo little bit has a strange behavior. It is related to his sickness. I do not really know what it is, probably asthma or heavy flu or something like that one. He is really careful related to food. Even, a lot of family talking about this behavior. They sometimes hurt when Om Pujo do not eat food served in certain house. He had to make sure about the origin, process and ingredient of the food before he eat. I think it is no problem. Me, my self, also selective about food related to my mag disease. Why they are so mind.

I do not really know what exactly Om Pujo's disease. Several week ago my mom text me that Om Pujo was in the hospital. I think it was just ordinary. Even, one day my father hospitalized because of certain disease, I did not even go home, still stay in Yogyakarta for many business. My father went home, healthy until now. Everybody can be hospitalized and healthy again I think. My little brother too. Except me, I never have heavy disease that make me stay in hospital. I think it is because I am selective in choosing food. haha. I am over slim but never sick. I will write the tips someday.

I still continue my activity as usual. My mother text me again one night that she just came back from grandma's homevisiting Om Pujo who just went home from hospital but he still felt problem in respiration system. Oh, it is just common I think. My father also has respiration problem. Even, my friend who is younger than me also has that kind of problem.

In the next day, afternoon, as usual I neglected my cellphone and it was off because out of power battery too. I am not the kind of person who always checked cellphone every time. I hate situation when I talked to somebody and that person looked at his/her phone. I prefer to stop talking and waited until that person finished with his/her phone. 

After turning my cell phone on, among several text, I got one text from my mom. She told me that Om Pujo was hospitalized again. Then next text arrived. My mom. She told me that Om Pujo passed away.

------------

That time, I was in the car with my friends, automatically I said loudly Astagfirullahaladzim instead of Innalillahi wa innaillaihi rajiun.

It is just unbelievable. So sudden.

"knowing him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly"

Stranger, who finally become the husband of my aunt. Father of my cousins.

I never know what disease you have. Always selective for choosing food is Ok. Totally Ok. I also do that for my digestive health. And for all, please take care of yourself. Finally, all is the destiny of Allah. It is written already.

-------------

After several days, my mom asked me whether I have free time or not. I did not go home in the day my uncle passed away because nobody could pick me up in the train station far away from home because all family was busy with funeral, etc. Today my mom told me to go home if I have free time. She told me to visit my aunt. I questioned why, what for, everybody has visited her and the agenda of Tahlil every night after uncle's death already completed. Then I rethink, it is to help her relief her broken heart probably. I still can not imagine what her feeling.

Dear the family that I can share my extraordinary ideas. Thanks for the new year eve 2015. That time was the last time I met Om Pujo. Last words I heard from him were when he told me to have dinner with Rica-rica that he made. 

We also still have plan to go hiking to Puncak Lawu. May be someday I will go there. Go to the place above the cloud, enjoy fresh air, and pick several Edelweiss Flowers--Dea's favourite.
-------------

Like Valerie Minner who write about her family in her book "The Low Road", I write this for Om Pujo, may be someday people who know him accidentally read this and know him memorize him. View from my perspective of course.

Why Did You Lie?

I miss swings. There are so many swings in my memory, when I was a child, my father made me swings in front of grandma's joglo house. We're still lived there since my parents did not have our own house yet. The swing always changed. Sometimes my aunt made non-permanent-swing hung on the Guava tree. She is my favourite aunt since she is very kind. She looked after me when my parents were still in office. At that time she was in senior high school. She is beautiful and charming. She had many friends. I thought she was considered as 'anak gaul'. :D In the evening, sometimes she took me to her friend's house. I joined her for hanging-out with up-to-date-teenagers. I was an infant or baby at that time, about 3 years old. On Sunday, I joined her watched Album Minggu, a TV program which broadcasted pop songs on Sunday. In the evening, sometimes she took me to the field. We rode bicycle. We had harvest tomatoes and chilli in the grandma's field. That was so amazing for me, rode bicycle in the evening passed little road between little river and rice field. The field named Punthuk. Punthuk is the land higher than the other surrounded it. To reach it we had to pass little bridge since it was surrounded by little irrigation. Then we had to climb the stair made from stone. Punthuk usually used to plant chilli, tomato, etc while the low land surround it is used to plant rice.

After moved to my new house I still often spent week-end and holiday in my grandma's house. At that time my aunt already had a job. My parents were considered as strict parents. They always mad when knowing I did mistakes. My mom always check whether I was naughty or not, then my aunt said I was nice. In fact, I was really naughty.

Again when there was a long holiday on fasting month, I spent the holiday in grandma's house. My grandma told my mom that I was so lazy to get up for Sahur. My mom check to the grandma's house. She was ready to angry. However, I found out that my aunt told my mom that I was not like that. I woke up easily for Sahur. After my mom went home, my aunt told me patiently that I have to wake up for Sahur diligently. Otherwise I am not allowed to stay in my grandma's house anymore. She will not protect me again in front of my mom. What a nice memory. I had a guardian. :D

Yesterday she visited my house with her children. After Pray Ashar I joined them with my family in the living room. My mom said, "Why don't you shake your aunt's hand?" In Bahasa --> "kamu kok gak salim dulu gimana sih?". I thought that was so ordinary then I laughed as usual. However, unlike my expectation. My aunt did not give her hand to shake hand with me. She said to my mom that I already shaked her hand. "Udah, tadi udah salim kok dia." I did not know. What kind of lie it was. I just do not believe that she still lied to protect me. Until now. Until I grow up. Dear aunt, why did you lie? Dear God, thanks for sending me a guardian. It is guardian for little things but I think it is meaningful for me. Meaningful means that I know there are people in this world love and care me so much. The last case was not significant for me since my mom is not as dangerous as she used to be. However I just wondering why my aunt still lie to protect me. It is untold. That evening that lie just in my mind and her mind.